ok here’s how this blog came about. I’m very involved in media – social media, TV, and in my business I work on the phone. So that makes things particulary difficult when the worst cable country in the history of cable companies, no, all US utilities ever, completely fails me and all my service to all of the above gets shut down for several excruciating days. Luckily I was between jobs at work but I feel the void around here so deeply it’s like I can’t breathe at all. So, what to do, I looked at a bunch of pictures I had saved, not too exciting.. I finished another book on Bob Dylan, around the 50th I’ve read about him – yet I still don’t know him at all. 🙂 I’m fighting with my wife so I’m locked in my studio to escape, here’s what I end up doing… About a year ago my pc crashed and I lost all my files, writings and music, from oh, 18-19 years of being online. I was able to save the files for around $200 but they came back in this folder of untitled files, basically useless unless I go thru and name them, you know, which I never felt like doing. So I was sitting here and just for the fuck of it decided I’d start at #100 of my .wav files and start putting names on them, see how long I could.. staminize. Anyway, hearing some of these songs which I hadn’t heard for years brought out this unbelievable well of emotions. because, you know, I’ve always written about my life, tried to lay out the real deal.. and I tell you it’s a really strange thing reliving your life thru songs that when you wrote them you weren’t really all there feeling the things you were expressing, it sort of went straight to your guitar and to your recorder so you didn’t have to feel these things so much – does that make sense? It’s like I lived my life thru these recordings while I was somewhat emotionally absent at the time. So, in this state of detachment resulting from years of time having passed, hearing me singing these words was like a first-hand account, I really came face-to-face with these events for the first time.
I’m going to pause from that narrative right now and get to the subplot of this story. If you’re a friend of mine on facebook you are probably aware of the issues I’ve been having in regards to being an artist. I haven’t really made any music for over a year now and I forced a disappearance for my various artist personas, removing many songs and videos from my pages. I’m still in a crisis about all that and the crux of it is that I can’t reconcile the difference between this longtime opinion I’ve had of myself as an important artist/genius and the fact that the rest of the world finds me remarkably unimportant, even uninteresting. but sadly, I hate to inform you all because I can feel you frowning as you’re reading this: the part of me that thinks I’m this brilliant super artist is here to stay. It will not be killed, believe me I’ve tried. and while I’ve been listening to my lost catalogue of songs, it keeps whacking me upside the head.
For those who were around in the early part of the days of Father Time, most of those people understand, at very least, that I’m somewhat of an unforgettable character, despite how I’ve disappeared from any sign of that in recent times. Even people who hated my guts occasionally came out with stuff like what Phil Frazier, who despised me at the time, said – “Father Time is an internet legend.” I sure made him regret saying that. haha But I just don’t think even my biggest doubters question that FT made some kind of an impact, even if it were a stupid impact. heh
It’s also still close enough that I never swayed from the thought that my work with the enigmatic wackjob Lesley, the indie Phil Spector, was surely legendary. These were songs comparable to and worthy of the greatest era of popular music, and while I realize that much of the magic was on Lesley’s end, I was the catalyst for this musical chemical reaction, I brought the whole thing out.
Bringing me to my amazing project with Jilly Wright. 21 songs on our record, a couple others, The Rune and Mr. Quagmire which were our best, and one other that was great called The Act that Jilly took offline. The story with Jilly goes long and deep but I’ve got to watch myself here, what I say, because she is unbelievably private about stuff, kind of the opposite of me. Anyway I’ve never met Jilly personally, we’ve never been closer than 3000 miles apart, but she has been my best friend for around 10 years. We used to skype every morning and when we ran out of stuff to talk about, for a couple years we played Scrabble (I’m an expert). That’s more or less faded out now, she’s not thrilled with me in general and isn’t online much. I drive solo now in my virtual car. I stopped thinking much about all the music I made with her because she always sort of has contempt for any songs she’s involved in that are more than a few weeks old. 🙂 but I ended up hearing some of them today for the first time in awhile and got real sad. One song was about my wife and it basically laid out the problems with me and her. Another one was just one of Jilly’s love songs and hearing her voice just made me realize that probably the reason we aren’t close anymore is all my fault. Maybe I’m the one who keeps changing, not her. but the chemistry of me and her doing this record of love songs, my god, the soulfulness and depth of that batch of songs – somewhere on earth there is someone who if they heard the record would realize that it’s one of the alltime heaviest albums ever created.
I guess I should throw in one sentence here about the band Negative Tendencies who I am utterly certain made the greatest rock record ever made. and may still be in the midst ????
but……….. you know the reason I’m writing this stuff is, nobody else is going to. I wonder how many “legends” stay within four walls, some guy who for 60 years made the greatest sculptures in the history of the world but never showed one to anybody. Then when he died his brother came by and they were all sent off in a dumpster to die, nobody including his brother gave his life’s work a single thought.
I used to say the final stage of the creative process is uploading your song to the world. Even built a site for that purpose. but I was wrong, the final step is when it’s out there and nobody gives a fuck about it. and why should they?
but I digress. Getting back to the original angle of this piece, it’s pretty funky for lack of a better word to have documented one’s life thru song. and being able later to listen and feel all these things for the first time. Even if nobody bothers to shit on ya. Something I did in my 20s which yes, was a million years ago, was I bought this cheap video camera from Sears, in the day of Betamax, and did a video journal of myself for several years which I would in fact say were the most musically prolific of my lifetime. Filled a dozen tapes with it which I still have in my closet. Many of the Negative Tendencies songs came from this era, I had written oh, around a dozen full records of quality material by then including a double album of songs called The History of UFOs. I had 2 large corkboards where I arranged my songs into albums, the titles all written on pieces of cardboard. This was during the time when at the point I finished working on music on my Tascam Portastudio, I would transfer all my tapes to a safety deposit box at the bank so my music wouldn’t be stolen! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha how embarrassing.
So I haven’t watched these beta tapes for 20-30 years, my lone betamax machine died. I’ve had no desire to watch them though. I did write a song about all that, though, the last time I viewed some of it!
What I saw on the videotape
was enough to make me wanna throw up
Anyway this is what I do, I document my life for nobody, well, for the aliens if they’re interested. If you’ve read all this and you don’t know what to make of it, well, this is the future of rock.